& Then Redemption Came.

This poem. These words were written a while ago, but today they just jumped right off the page and straight to my heart. I love when that happens.

So I like to read, almost any classic I can get my hands onto. Reading always makes me want to write. I always have had that desire. & Today after going through just a mound of papers of things I had collected and saved all the way back to middle school. I have things from pictures of random people, to homework papers and back to letters from affectionate middle school boys. I know right? Can you say pack rat? But today I just had a hankering to go through things and have something like a time traveling experience. Every one needs one of those every know and then.

I love keeping journals and writing in them as often as I can. The entries vary from sketches, to research, then from poems to questions I’d like to be answered. Just a conglomerates of things. Every journal that is started is eventually completed. It is nice to go back and to see how far you have come in life.

Today I found a random, yet old black & white composition book that was half way filled with my words. I slowly peeled the pages to read what was written. I took my time and kept going until the end, which was the middle of the book.

This specific entry was written after reading one of the many Psalms. I wish I could remember which one. I love the heart of David. How he was a man not afraid of emotion and just an open, unconcealed heart. Especially when the theme of most are to act like they have it all together. Let’s be honest who does? Definitely not me. There is so much beauty in the process of understanding how messy life really is. There is beauty in being between the rains of life.

So here is a tiny piece of my heart. Take heart and be encouraged. Even if one of you is encouraged towards Christ, my time was well spent.

I am crying out to you, come fix my broken life.
I am pleading for your forgiveness.
Then you come. Oh Lord, you came!

You alone have healed me.
You alone have loved me.
You alone captured my fears.
You alone have conquered the grave.

I am speechless of your power and awestruck by your glory.
I am completely whole again because of your love.

I will always sing of when your love came down…
It has just welled up in me like the damming of a stream.
It steamed up, like a fresh brewed cup of coffee.
It smelled like the morning when all the flowers awoke to greet a spring sun.
It looked like a sunset overtaking the sky.
It felt like a bride preparing her heart for the one she’d always been waiting for.

So I will sing of this love to remind myself of the One
who knows me,
who made me,
& made my lips to forever sing of His glorious works.

Hope you enjoyed sweet friends.

In love & imagination,

KSL

Always Wanting More or Is It Less?

My heart is in such a soft place tonight after a weekend of things to think about. I have kept coming back to the same theme.  Over and over again. I keep thinking about the type of people the couple from the Estate Sale (previous post) were.  Were they tall or short? Did they read before the went to bed? Were they hairy or bald?

But thinking of those things just led me to a heart wrenching question. Does that really matter? Hum. Does it really matter what their physical attributes were? Well, does it matter what their bedtime habits were? No, it doesn’t. None of it matters especially after hearing about these two sweet people who had been married longer than my lifetime. They really just outlived their bodies, because their stories are still here. Stories that their granddaughters have about coming over and having tea parties on the good china, then learning how to pray, and reciting the 23rd Psalm for the one hundred and twenty third time. Stories about the people that they had met, the people they showered their love upon, and of course the people they had impacted.

Thinking about this couple brings tears to my eyes. And for a girl who does not like to cry, tears are a big deal. All I could think of was what my life looked like standing beside theirs. Here we are believing the same things, but living them so differently. They would save money for month long mission trips and I save money for needless Goodwill trips & furniture. They saved money to support international missionaries. I save money to support my fast food and Olive Garden addiction. They saved money to give it away and I have saved ALL of my money… for myself. What a selfish. Selfish girl I am.

I had spent two solid days with this sweet couples family and seeing how much of a minimalist life that they had and how enjoyable it was. They were so against materialism. Yes they had nice things, but never once did they not use it for the fear of it being broken or ruined.  I mean I spent TWO days with them and STILL walked away from that sale with a flatscreen TV, 3 books, and a vintage leather glove (yes just one). None of which I need.

So all weekend, but mostly late last night I have just really searched myself, my desires, & my reasons for living the life that I have up until now. Basically put I am a financial slob. And yes…I have heard of Dave Ramsey lol. I am also a “treasure” horder. Oh yeah, I know I just said the dreaded “H” word. No this version is the tame one especially compared to the way TLC likes to portray them. I have collected RANDOM things since I was in elementary school!! I seriously used to collect pencils. (Yes I know, SUCH a nerd!!) Then I collected beanie babies, then back to barbies, then legos, and the list goes on. I have not gone through ANY of that stuff in like 5 years until last night. Last night was just a night of a broken woman seeing her sin for what it was and the weight of it. The Lord just wanted to show and confirm my heart that he really is working in it, but anytime God does anything with our hearts it is just overwhelming. Last night was such a blessing though. The Lord was opening up my eyes to what he sees and healing my heart’s brokenness. Last night the Lord broke me and my “wanting the world & everything it has” in more ways than one. I think I am on the road to becoming a minimalist, which my bank account will be happy to hear as well as my cluttered room….and yes my car as well.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~Matthew 6

The Lord is ALL that I need. He is my portion today, tomorrow, and every day after. This may seem like an easy lesson for some of you, but for this one meaning myself it goes straight to the core of myself. I have always blamed my collection, treasures, and shopping sprees on my prospective future/career: Design! I mean you need a little bit of everything to appeal to ALL of your clients. You know, it’s all for the DIY pictures and the portfolio! But Lord remind me always that YOU are enough, you are more than enough.

Now it is time to surrender all that I have collected and MINImize everything that I have. So back to sorting and giving away. The more I get of and out of this house, the more my heart radiates. The more I give, the more I receive. The Lord is loving me through all of this. His love is much more than me having comfort.

John 3:30- He must increase, but I must decrease.…..Less is More. Lets not seek His hands, but seek His FACE.

I want my life to be much more than the things that I have and more about the people I POURED every ounce of my life into. I want to be remembered for not what I have, but for what I gave. I want to live a life like Jesus. After all he was a homeless man who still gave it ALL away, including the very breath in His lungs.

So my prayer is that we will consider their own lives and own hearts. What treasures are you storing & Why? What are you saving money for & it is worth it? What value will these items have in 5,10,15+ years. Think about it. What do you want out of this life? A life full of self and wordly treasures or a life full of others and a Kingdom that awaits you. Eternal glory far outweighs them all.

In love and inspiration,

KSL

Is it a Ballad or Free Verse?

Well if you don’t know yet, let me tell you. My faith is very important. I’ll post a more detailed version of why a little bit later. I was raised up in church and did that a good girl was supposed to do. I was the sweet southern girl who always wore a smile and would ask a million questions. I thought I asked the right questions about God. I knew of Him but considered him a distant being, that was unattainable. I never accepted what was done for me. I never had a personal relationship until 3 years ago. My life hasn’t been a very easy walk since birth really. My life has been filled with pain, loss, love, trials, blessings, and joy.

I have a very diverse life story and plan on sharing it. I am not ashamed of my story, because it makes me who I am. I believe my life to be a representation of the gospel. I also say that as an imperfect person.

          I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. ~Romans 1:16

I have learned the hard way that everyone has something that they are struggling with. No one escapes this world without them. You do have a choice though. You can pull yourself up by the boot straps and face the unknown or you can muddle in the struggle. I have done both. I have loved one and hated the other. I have stayed in the mud, just as long as I have stayed in the fire.

But I will say that being refined is not to be easy. Being refined is basically having someone chisel all the negative, the gross places of our human selves. We are all broken people in need of healing.

Trials are for growth, remember that even if you disagree. Be courageous in the uncertainty of life. Press forward and understand that there is always beauty in the struggle. But we were never meant to struggle alone.
Suffering –> Perseverance –> Character –> Hope 
          Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  ~James 1:2-5

So with that said…I love to write. Writing to me is like running to others. Endorphins just plague my blood stream. Writing is great because you can cover any topic you want to. Writing is creative. Writing is medicine. Writing is communication. Writing is a necessity.

So I ask, Is it a Ballad or Free Verse? I think the letters, the words, the phrases are just themselves. Maybe they don’t need to be defined.

This morning I was bitten by the creative bug which happens pretty frequently. If I don’t stop what I am doing I will miss it and not be able to retrieve that moment again. So I stopped doing laundry and started to profusely write, just scribbling every thought. This is what I came up with. This is a little piece of my heart and feelings. When I created it I had the instrumental of “Color of the Wind” playing in the back of my head. That is the rhythm that this writing has. I hope I have described it enough that you understand my vision and are inspired by it. Forewarning, it may not flow or transition well. Also, I think it’s obvious, I love ampersands. Enjoy!

Be my every thought; wipe away my weakness.

Calm my raging seas; answer calls of distress.

Be the light that brings my ship to the shore,
Remind me of your holiness now & forevermore.

Let me walk along the beaches you’ve created,
& run to you now though, all this time you waited.

Come in the light, & let me see your shinning face,
Take me somewhere, that’s unknown, an unchartered place.

Have you ever seen the wind though you can only feel it?
Or asked the seasons why they like to change?
Can you let go of all your inhibitions?
If you can see all of the saints praising the King,
Then you will know the Greatness of My Living God.

[Instrumental in Song]

I think of all your worthiness; pride is abated.

I want to see you for all that you are.

You call me out of darkness & show me the light,
& carry all my burdens; feeling like a kite.

You cast away all fears with your love,
& hold me in your hand, tight like a glove.

Though miles and miles have separated us,
I will love you with my heart, to you I truss.

Come close to Him my Lord,

If you only knew,
If you only knew!

Have you ever seen the wind move even though you can only feel it?
Or asked the seasons why they like to change?
Can you let go of all your inhibitions?
Can you can see all of the saints praising the King,

You could own all the Earth and still,
& then lose your life until,
You surrender all of your will.

Then you will know the Greatness of My Living God.

In love & inspiration,
KSL